I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
