I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize