I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
