I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
