i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
