Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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