dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
