This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
