So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
