I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
