so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
