Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You smell like a Billy Joel song
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
