..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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