I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
