Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
