Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
