I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Two words: nipple clamps
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