would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My penis needs a shock collar
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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