it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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