Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
