so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
