he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
