I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
