I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
