wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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