Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
