i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
