I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We don't watch enough power rangers
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
