its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
