thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
