so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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