Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
