ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
