Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
