Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The best revenge is premature balding
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
