All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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