I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
