Soap is not a condiment
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
