I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i can't believe i had my finger in that
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
