I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
