After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize