Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
