before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i came on her dog
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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