every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
