The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You are a genius and a whore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
