who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
