Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
