I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
