why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
