I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
