pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
