After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
