I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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