My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
