Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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