Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
