I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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