careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
