based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
