he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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