Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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