Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
