God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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